by Mary Wakefield Buxton –
URBANNA —July 15, 2021
Last week’s letter to the editor in the Sentinel from Nancy West of Wake was a heartbreaking lament on how she remembers her past growing up in Middlesex County.
She wrote of painful memories of racial discrimination that she encountered as a child and young adult and how she felt these many years later just seeing a certain Saluda Juneteenth-themed photo in the Sentinel. It triggered such painful memories that she penned a letter to the editor to share her feelings with us.
Thank you, Nancy. Your letter gives everyone hope that we will one day recover from painful history of racial discrimination in Middlesex County.
Yes, we will recover. I promise you. And the first step to recovery is to share our stories.
I know very little about how it feels to be rejected because of race or color of skin. I grew up in a small town in the 40s and 50s in Ohio mainly made up of German, English and Irish immigrants. Such families may have been “white Americans,” but many still held painful memories of ancestors who had fought in horrendous European wars. We had to do our best to let such history go and start anew with those of different ethnic and cultural backgrounds that had one time been bitter enemies. The good news is that as the years passed and as generations came and went, such negative feelings faded away.
Nancy, at age 18 I went south to college mainly because Father wanted me to experience (the shock of!) a different culture. I quickly learned it’s no fun to be rejected for any reason, whether it is race, color of skin, religion, and, yes, even because of where you were born and raised.
A few years ago, when I was age 75, and had lived in Virginia since 1963, I received a heartfelt letter from a classmate of mine from the class of ’59 at Vermilion (Ohio) High School. The letter spoke of the pain the young man still remembered from the “clique groups” in our old high school and how he had yearned to be a part of “my group,” but had never been admitted. It seemed all his painful memories had been triggered by a 55th class reunion.
I was thunderstruck, just to put it mildly. How could I have hurt anyone? I had no idea I was in a clique or that there was even any such thing as cliques or that anyone couldn’t be a part of any group for any reason. You could say, Nancy, I was so involved with my life … my fun, problems, friends; I was a typically young, innocent, naïve teenager with no knowledge as to how society worked. I am now well aware how a closed society actually is and it certainly still does revolve around cliques.
So my eyes were opened at age 75, Nancy. Up until that time I had only seen part of the big picture. I had only seen my pain of rejection. I was so busy licking my own wounds I could not think that I could have possibly caused anyone else pain.
I had encountered a clique society when I had come to Virginia but I had not been aware of the fact I, too, had once been a part of a clique system in my old hometown. In other words, I had received pain, but I had also given pain.
This is what I believe we call growing up. We start to see the complete picture. And when we see it, it delivers the greatest pain of all!
I’m turning 80 in September, Nancy, and I have experienced a great deal of life and observed a great deal of human behavior. My best advice to all those who wish to become more inclusive human beings is to start a plan now for self-recovery.
First, write about your painful memories of rejection (and we have all experienced rejection.) Second, find some way to share your stories with others. Third, face the difficult realization that you probably did not just receive painful rejection from others, chances are you have hurt others along the way too. Rejection is a two-way street.
It also helps to remember the advice of Jesus and other great thinkers from the past who have recommended love and forgiveness as top goals for human behavior. Follow the Golden Rule. It’s a simple rule. “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”
Nancy, good luck with forgiving those that have hurt you as you must do, if only for your own good health. For in the end game of life we are all in the same boat and can only hope for one thing: Forgiveness for past wrongs.
© 2021.
