URBANNA — ‘Gracious sakes!” My grandmother would have exclaimed to hear of a marriage that lasted 60 years. That was probably because in those days people didn’t live as long as they do now, thus length of marriages were shorter.
Yet, in today’s world a 60-year wedding anniversary is still rare. Not because of dying earlier but because of rising divorce rates.
I feel a bit of a dinosaur. But I am filled with wonder. How in the world did Chip and I make 60 years of marriage?
Where did all those years go? The time went so fast. Falling in love, the “North-South wedding,” honeymooning while settling issues on politics and religion, Navy, San Diego, converting a beach shack into a respectable home, baby, Vietnam War, Yokosuka, Japan, converting a rice paddy house into a respectable home, law school, starting a business, another baby, children in school, sports, carpooling, teaching, writing books, getting children into college, through college, grad school, getting them jobs, paying bills, seeing them married, five grandbabies, surviving their divorces, remarriages, and finally — saving for retirement.
Whew! I feel like I’ve been through 10 wars. Yet I wish I had stopped more every now and then and enjoyed the moment a bit more. Why didn’t I? Maybe I was too busy solving daily problems to appreciate life.
Credit for our long marriage depended on two things: my husband’s tolerance for life with a writer and my tolerance for life with a lawyer.
We shared a firm belief that the grass is never greener on the other side of the fence. It’s easier to deal with old problems than new.
And who wants to break in a new husband? (Which might be just as difficult as breaking in a new wife.)
Laughing a lot at unplanned circumstances helped too.
I can still see us now, so young, standing at the altar of the First Congregational Church in 1963, saying “I do” to Rev. English and promising to love and cherish each other until death do us part.
We soon discovered we were exact opposites. I was in high school when I first met him (he was at Denison University) and I remember we were driving along one day in his green MG when he suddenly drove off the road. “Damned if I will even drive on a highway dedicated to a Yankee!” he said.
What? What? I looked at the sign which had so aggravated him which read “the General William Tecumseh Sherman Highway.” I was stunned!
Later we had a hot debate over the “Whar” Between the States,” as he called it, in his funny Virginia accent. He actually recited for me “Lee’s Farewell Address” to the troops at Appomattox.
Well, the Virginian was in Ohio territory now so I shot back with Lincoln’s “Gettysburg Address” to set him straight. In those days students in northern schools memorized that address because we were raised to revere Abraham Lincoln for saving the union.
So, I let him have it with those inspiring and beautiful words that best describes what America is all about.
There are two lessons to this story: Memorize the Gettysburg Address so you will be prepared to recite it if needed and #2. never debate a Virginian because you might risk falling for him.
So, what will two opposites do to celebrate our 60th? The “debate” continues. One of us doesn’t care to travel and one of us loves to travel.
True to his course, the lawyer discouraged making any “big plans” in case one of us should, you know, drop dead before departure. It’s the nature of lawyers to plan for the grim.
Yet he likes to travel. He pulled out travel brochures and a world atlas. No foreign place is too far for him, no adventure too rugged — raft trip down the Colorado River, hike on the Appalachian Trail, climbing Mount Kilimanjaro, safari in the wilds of Africa, scuba diving off the Great Barrier Reef off Australia, kayaking the Amazon, landing on a glacier in a helicopter — nothing is beyond what he would like to do.
As my longtime readers know, I’m not the traveling sort. Give me a good book, classical music 24/7 and dear old Dandy asleep at my feet and I’m wherever I want to be, in my brain, not in my body, the best kind of traveling. There is no place like home.
Dear God, please, at the end of every day let me find my own bed, my trusty jar of Vicks on the bedside table, my lovely pillow, blankets and dear little slippers by the bed. That’s all I want in life for there’s nothing worse than a night in a strange bed.
So, I’m taking some time off to settle the issue of how to celebrate the big milestone. As the good general said, “I shall return” and I will too. Have a great summer!
© 2023.